vipers

Sunday, September 6, 2009
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A VIPERS' NEST
(Parental guidance is advised)
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We now have a new definition of patriotism: “To make the Homeland a better place to visit.” To that end, we spend millions building new villages, highways, churches, museums, hotels, and schools on the assumption that new schools will bring forth new Armenians, and better classrooms will generate greater intellects.
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I am myself a product of an Armenian education, that is to say, an authoritarian educational system in which the emphasis was on respect for and obedience to authority. I don't remember a single mention of human rights, the right to dissent, and the value of free speech.
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When during the Soviet era a politician from Ottawa visited one of our schools and discovered that some of the textbooks used there were of Soviet provenance, he was outraged and demanded an immediate end to that practice.
Our philistines don't mind spending millions on new walls as long as their name is emblazoned on them, but they wouldn't even spend a penny on textbooks.
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And now, allow me to recount in my own words a story that I first heard when I was three or four.
A man once said to his servant: “Go to the bathhouse and see if it's crowded.” The servant does as he is told and sees a long line at the gate of the bathhouse, but he also observes on the path leading to the gate a rock to which everyone bumps and hurts his foot, until one man takes it upon himself to clear the path. Upon his return to his master, the servant says: “I saw only one man by the gate of the bathhouse, sir.”
End of story.
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I once asked the lawyer of a national benefactor why do they support a regime that is a vipers' nest?
His reply: “If we don't support the regime, we will not be allowed to help the people.”
“You mean to tell me they will let the people starve and freeze? You mean you are supporting a bunch of blackmailers?”
I got no answer to my question, only a curt: “I am not talking to you!”
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Moral I: When our Panchoonies and Jack S. Avanakians build schools, the chances are the teaching will be done by lesser Panchoonies and Avanaks.
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Moral II: In a crowd of Panchoonies and Avanaks, you cannot always count on a single human being to do what must be done.
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Moral III: From a vipers' nest, all you will get is more vipers.
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Monday, September 7, 2009
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BRAIN DRAIN
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A headline in NEWSWEEK reads: “Venezuela's brain drain.” Who speaks of Armenia's brain drain? Not even Armenians, probably because every Armenian believes he has a surplus of that particular commodity and would gladly share it if asked.
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It is easy for two fools to convince each other that they are not just smart but much smarter than others. On this point, Armenians have no trouble reaching a consensus.
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Teach yourself to say, “I am a fool,” for that is the beginning of all wisdom.
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A good Armenian is one who loves those who have brainwashed him and hates those who speak of reality, as if reality were anti-Armenian and pro-Turkish.
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I learn something from everyone I meet, except my critics. All my critics succeed in doing is expose the Turk in themselves and, in doing so, they remind me of the Turk in me.
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We learn from our mistakes only in the sense that we learn ways to avoid getting caught red-handed – until making mistakes becomes a habit, and that's when we get caught.
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The right to be wrong is also a human right. Be aware of the man who is never wrong.
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There is a type of reader who is disposed to agree with me only if I were to say Armenians are the first people to convert to Christianity and the first nation to be targeted for extermination in the 20th century. Beyond that, no matter what I say, his first impulse will be to contradict me.
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Most Armenians will never take me seriously as a writer simply because I say things they have known all along without taking the trouble to verbalize them because doing so would amount to adding insult to injury, which may suggest that they view criticism as massacre by other means.
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Tuesday, September 8, 2009
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FROM HEROES TO ZEROS
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Don't be afraid of those who exercise
their human right of free speech.
Be afraid instead of those who violate that right.
Because if they can violate one right today,
they can violate others tomorrow.
And if they can violate my right today,
what makes you think they will not violate yours tomorrow?
Unless of course you think you are
-- unlike czars, kings, and heads of state – invulnerable.
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All crimes against humanity begin with censorship.
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Nothing could be more absurd than to think,
If God is on my side, I have nothing to fear.
God does not like braggarts and
He seems to take a malicious pleasure in disappointing those
who believe Him to be on their side.
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A hundred years ago
we challenged the might of an empire.
We are now afraid of words.
This to me is as real a development
as the Genocide -- and as tragic.
If Naregatsi were alive today
he would write a much longer lamentation.
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The cowardice of some of my critics is such
that they insult me anonymously,
and they are too slow to see the connection.
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We are not a nation of heroes.
We are a nation of victims.
And worse!
We are a nation at the mercy of cowards
who love to speechify about our heroic past
to cover up their own cowardice.
They brag about our heroes
to cover up their status as zeros.
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Wednesday, September 9, 2009
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PANCHOONIE IS DEAD,
LONG LIVE JACK S. AVANAKIAN!
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Comrade Panchoonie is a bundle of contradictions
and he doesn't know it.
In his attempt to expose bourgeois prejudices,
he exposes his own.
He pretends to be an idealist
but he concludes every one of his reports
to the central committee
with the words: “Send us a little money.”
He chastises his adversaries
for their lack of understanding
of what he is attempting to do
even as he unmasks his own
much greater limitations and fanaticism.
His Truth is a Big Lie.
His promised Land is our Hell on earth.
I suspect it never even occurred to Odian
that some day his Comrade Panchoonie would rise again
as Jack S. Avanakian and become
our most popular role model.
Consider the case of our Turcocentric ghazetajis
who expect us to believe their only concern is justice.
To that end they heap an endless stream of accusations
on our enemies but they refuse to utter a single word
about our own abuses of power,
violations of human rights, corruption, double-talk,
incompetence, intolerance, divisions,
worship of the Almighty Dollar, and contempt for ideas.
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There are two kinds of society
that don't feel the need of a free press:
(one)primitive, and
(two) fascist.
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