Saturday, November 29, 2008

books

Thursday, November 27, 2008
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THE BIGGER THEY ARE
THE HARDER THEY FALL
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We are told again and again that some financial institutions and industries in America are too big to fail. What nonsense! Empires rise and fall, and when they fall, people are liberated from the grip of bloodsuckers. Who are the bloodsuckers today? If you ask chief executive officers, they will name the unions and their bosses, never their own greed and incompetence.
*
Mighty empires are not born but made, and they are made by an elite of creative people who successfully confront challenges and solve problems. But in time these creative individuals are followed by incompetent and corrupt operators without vision. That's when empires decline and fall. The same applies to major economic enterprises. But don't expect the executives to admit as much because, like Armenians, they are masters of the blame game. They will blame everyone but themselves. Their blindness is such that they will travel by private jet and beg taxpayers' money, and they will do this with the arrogant certainty they are too big to fail. Sooner or later, however, they will have to come to terms with reality, which is, not even God can save a man or a power structure that is set on self-destruction.
*
The USSR was bigger than all the financial institutions and car manufacturers in America combined, but neither Marx and Engels, nor Lenin and Stalin could postpone its disintegration by a fraction of a second. The same applies to Ford, Freddie Mac, and the rest. Reality has fixed the time of their downfall, and neither Bush nor Obama can alter it.
#
Friday, November 28, 2008
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FIVE FAVORITE BOOKS
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THE MAGIC MOUNTAIN by Thomas Mann. What Bach, Beethoven, and Brahms are to German music, Mann is to German literature.
*
RECONSIDERATIONS: Volume 12 of A STUDY OF HISTORY by Arnold J. Toynbee. Beneath a proper, academic veneer, Toynbee is a thoroughly anti-establishment thinker.
*
THE SABRES OF PARADISE by Lesley Blanch. A history of 19th-century Caucasus that reads like a historical novel by Dumas and Tolstoy.
*
LOLITA by Vladimir Nabokov. The magic of a brilliant stylist transforms a continental pedophile and a spoiled American brat into fascinating Dostoevskian characters.
*
FAREWELL, MY LOVELY by Raymond Chandler. In his hand American slang acquires the irresistible charm of pure poetry, and Los Angeles becomes as mesmerizing a place as Dostoevsky's St. Petersburg, Mann's Davos, and Lesley Blanch's Caucasus.
*
These are not books to be read once, but faithful companions to be cherished to the end of one's life.
*
P.S. I have not mentioned books from our literature because I don't wish to make myself vulnerable to the charge of promoting my own work as translator.
#
Saturday, November 29, 2008
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A REPUBLIC OF LIES
********************************************
In the republic of charlatans, honest men are outlaws.
*
It is not at all unusual for a man to believe in his own lies. That's the only way to explain why some smart people make dumb assertions. To lie is not only cowardly but also a direct assault on our intelligence.
*
We are a very young democracy, I am informed once in a while. We shouldn't be too critical of the regime. I am also told we are “the cradle of civilization.” I feel therefore justified in asking what is so civilized about greed, corruption, incompetence, and abuse of power? Unless of course we are willing to concede that after living under barbarians for many centuries, we have adopted their ways and it may take many more centuries for us to recover our status as civilized human beings.
*
Being critical of Armenians in open forums may reflect badly on us, I am also told. But this amounts to saying we can't afford being honest in public – and that to me is the greatest insult that can be leveled against the nation.
*
Wellington's dictum on British soldiers: “the scum of the earth enlisted for drink.”
*
Think of an Armenian friend as a potential enemy and he will not disappoint you.
*
Perhaps what I am trying to do is educating not my fellow Armenians but myself, and by educating myself I mean recovering my humanity; and if I ever succeed in that endeavor, I will fall silent because “he who speaks does not know.”
#

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

2 birds

Sunday, November 23, 2008
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WE ARE CIVILIZED PEOPLE
********************************************
An investigative reporter has been severely beaten up in Armenia.
We don't do that sort of thing here.
We are not Asiatic barbarians.
We are civilized.
Besides, it's against the law.
In the words of an Armenian moderator:
“No four-letter words on this forum, please! We don't go for that shit.”
Our brothers in the Homeland may operate within a lawless environment.
We don't. That's a luxury we can't afford.
We are civilized people.
If we want to have someone silenced, we simply shut him up.
It's the easiest thing in the world. All it takes is a phone call to the publisher.
Not even the need to mention withdrawal of financial support.
Yes, sir! We are a civilized bunch here.
Not Asiatic barbarians.
This is a rule and like all rules it has its exceptions, of course.
Once, when the editor/publisher of a California weekly allowed the publication of an exposé, he was beaten within an inch of his life.
The perps were never caught.
It was rumored that they were imported talent and by the time the crime was reported to the police, they were on their way to the Middle East somewhere.
On another occasion, when the editor/publisher of another weekly published an exposé about the tax-deductible shenanigans of one of our charitable institutions, he was dragged to court, was almost taken to the cleaners, had a stroke, and lost on a technicality because, unlike the charitable institution, he couldn't afford belly-slitting lawyers who were fully aware of the fact that the reporter's “deep throats” would refuse to testify for him because doing so would mean losing their only source of income.
It is the height of hypocrisy to express outrage at a beaten up investigative reporter in Armenia and completely ignore the filth in which we are drowning here.
We preach democracy there but we practice fascism here and we refuse to see a contradiction. And we refuse to see a contradiction because this convenient blindness allows us to assume a holier-than-thou stance, and we are all addicted to asserting moral and patriotic superiority.
Yes, sir!
We are not Asiatic barbarians here.
We are syphilized people.
#
Monday, November 24, 2008
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URBAN LEGENDS
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Racial superiority is an urban legend fabricated by inflated egos for inferior minds.
*
Some say Cain was a Turk, and Abel an Armenian. Others say it was the other way around.
*
ALL MEN ARE BROTHERS
***********************************
Give an Armenian fanatic anonymity and a computer with Internet access and watch him commit verbal massacre.
*
Give Armenians a superior army and an inferior enemy and watch them commit crimes against humanity, and afterwards pass a law against insulting Armenishness.
*
NOTA BENE
************************
We hate the enemy because we understand ourselves.
*
All organized religions have failed. If they continue to have followers it's because any meaning, even when meaningless, is better than no meaning.
*
Strong convictions are the surest symptoms of weak minds.
*
SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE
****************************************
To brainwash an Armenian is easy, to reason with him, impossible. I was brainwashed once and was not open to reason or, for that matter, to common sense and decency, let alone Christian compassion and Kantian ethics.
#
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
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PIRATES
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What is the difference between Somalian pirates who hijack cargo ships and demand ransom money on the one hand, and on the other, American chief executive officers who run their company to the ground, give themselves fat salaries and handsome bonuses, travel by private jet, and demand billions from tax-payers? Two differences: (one) the pirates' financial demands are infinitely more modest, and (two) when caught, the pirates are treated like common criminals.
*
HIJACKERS OF CULTURE
***************************************
All of German literature, philosophy, and music produced Hitler. All of Armenian literature, music, and architecture produced the morally bankrupt loud-mouth philistine who parades as defender of the faith and is taken seriously by dupes.
*
ENEMIES
*************************
When an Armenian disagrees with you, he disagrees not only with your views but also with your existence. The Golden Age of this type of Armenian was turn-of-the-century Istanbul, and the first decades of the Soviet era when all it took was an anonymous phone call to the authorities.
*
It goes without saying that if you speak in defense of human rights, free speech, and democracy, you will acquire fascist enemies.
#
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
****************************************
TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE
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A church is first and foremost a house of God, and I have no doubt whatever in my mind that the Good Lord would welcome Catholic as well as Protestant and Loussavorchagan (both Etchmiadznagan and Cilician) worshipers within His walls. Consider the millions we could save for the needy in the Homeland and in the process may be even save the soul of the community. I am not talking about church unity here, only of putting existing real estate to more responsible use. Needless to add, what I say about churches also applies to community centers and schools.
*
An insider once told me, one of the two Armenian cathedrals in New York City employs as many as 83 people, among them professional fund-raisers, in addition to advertising the sale of Oriental rugs within its walls (including rugs made in Turkey) in the NEW YORK TIMES.
*
Why do we need two bishops when one would be more than enough? I once knew a bishop who had so much time on his hands that he wrote derivative poetry, which is what I said in my review of his first collection of verse. That may have put an end to his career as a vodanavorji, because I never heard from him again.
*
To end these depressing thoughts on a positive note: It is said of two Armenians on a desert island that they built three churches. When asked by their rescuers about the purpose of the third church, they had explained: “That's the one we don't go to.”
#

Saturday, November 22, 2008

solutions

Sunday, November 16, 2008
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SUMMING UP
********************************************
History is one because the past is one, and even God, it has been said, cannot change the past.
*
Nations disagree on what happened because they invent their own past. This is common knowledge among historians but not among dupes who in all times and everywhere outnumber historians by a million or even ten million to one.
*
When political leaders speak of principles, what they don't tell you is that their most important principle is their power.
*
When a man makes a big mistake, he ruins his life. When a political leader makes a big mistake, he ruins the nation. But a political leader has an advantage over an ordinary citizen: he can rewrite history, because power also means the power to misrepresent and mislead.
*
The surest way of creating dupes is by controlling the educational system,.
*
In a civilized environment dissident writers are awarded the Nobel Prize (Mann, Shaw, Sartre). In an uncivilized environment dissidents are silenced, exiled, starved, shot or driven to suicide.
*
Sometimes to rewrite history does not mean to invent lies. One may also rewrite history by selecting facts. Hence the definition of propaganda as “a fraction of the truth.”
*
One way to deceive dupes is by first flattering them into believing they are smart, progressive, civilized, and superior to all others, and therefore impossible to deceive.
*
One index of barbarism is intolerance, and intolerance means first and foremost tolerance of prejudice, lies, and injustice – all in the name of patriotism of course.
*
The more backward a nation, the greater the number of its bullies, thugs, fanatics, and fools who operate on the assumption that truth is on their side and anyone who dares to say otherwise is either a misguided simpleton or an enemy of the people.
*
One way to judge the health of a nation is by its creative impetus. When we brag about our Golden Age and our medieval music and architecture, we tacitly and unknowingly admit that when we lost our independence and adopted subservience as a way of life, we also lost an important fraction of our creative impetus, our identity, and our humanity.
#
Monday, November 17, 2008
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“I AM A PROUD ARMENIAN,”
SIGNED “ANONYMOUS”
********************************************
For every proud Armenian there are probably ten, perhaps even twenty proud Turks. So that if we adopt pride as a weapon, we lose once more.
Instead of saying “I am a proud Armenian,” let us learn and teach others to say : “I am a humble human being and all men are my brothers.”
*
For everyone who says I am a proud Armenian, there are probably as many not so proud Armenians who cannot speak Armenian, bear foreign names, are married to odars, and stay away from Armenian community centers, schools, and churches.
*
The average Armenian (assuming such a creature exists) probably has more friends among Turks than among Armenians, if only because half of Turks are probably half-Armenian.
*
I have never heard an Armenian say “I am a proud half-Armenian,” even if most Armenians are exactly that. I have said this before and it bears repeating: on a good day I can trace my roots all the way back to my father.
*
The so-called loud-mouth proud Armenian who proclaims his patriotism anonymously from the gutter and by means of insults and profanities against anyone who dares to disagree with his infallible views (which on closer inspection turn out to be misconceptions, fallacies, and prejudices) is the very best argument against himself.
*
To say “I am a proud Armenian” amounts to rattling one's chains of subservience and degradation.
#
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
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VARIATIONS ON A FAMILIAR TUNE
********************************************
“Every other Armenian is a critic,” I am told. “Do we need another one?”
Or: “What we need is solutions, not criticism.”
I agree, and I don't mind admitting that when it comes to solving our problems I have been a total failure. But then, how many of our problems did Khorenatsi, Naregatsi, Shnorhali, Abovian, Raffi, and Zarian solve?
It is to be noted that both Khorenatsi and Naregatsi wrote a LAMENTATION, and Abovian's masterpiece is titled VERK HAYASTANI. As far as I know, none of our writers ever wrote a book or a poem titled SOLUTIONS.
*
Perhaps what we need is not writers but a Messiah. But I suspect as soon as we get one, we will crucify him because the first thing he will do is drive our bosses, bishops, benefactors, and all their hirelings and brown-nosers out of the temple with a whip. I also suspect, if he lives long enough to deliver a sermon, he will not provide verbal solutions but say, “The solution to your problems, very much like the Kingdom of God, is within you.”
*
Don't get me wrong. Armenians have a deep-seated respect for writers, messiahs, and ideas, provided of course they are not of domestic but foreign provenance. Consider the three most important ideas that have shaped our character and destiny as a nation: Christianity, nationalism, and Marxism. Not only have we adopted these ideas as our own but we have also shed our blood in their defense. But then we have shed blood in defense of even the Ottoman and Soviet empires. During World War II, we fought on both sides of the front. And no matter how hard I try I cannot think of a single instance when a single Armenian shed a single drop of blood in defense of an Armenian idea.
#
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
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DOUBTS AND CERTAINTIES
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In life doubts outnumber certainties.
*
Beware of the man who has more answers than questions.
*
There are no final answers. If an answer does not raise two more questions it cannot be right.
*
Only dupes and fanatics have more answers than questions.
*
No one can save a man, let alone a nation, that has chosen to take the road leading to self-destruction.
*
The most interesting man in the world is a bore to himself. Hence the old Armenian saying: "Marte martov g’ella." A man is made [whole] by another.
*
If a bigot is not yet a killer, it may be because history has not yet given him an opportunity to act out his convictions.
*
Religion, nationality, ideology: in so far as they enhance our understanding, they are assets. In so far as they raise walls between us and our fellow men, they are liabilities.
*
We don't need a messiah to do the right thing. But if you choose to wait for one, be prepared to wait for two thousand years, and even then...
*
I come up with an 11th Commandment every other day. I've got two of them today: “Thou shalt not be a dupe,” and “Thou shalt not say 'We need solutions,” when what you really mean is 'Shut up!'”
*
My aim in life is not to solve problems but to be readable. If I achieve that goal I may some day, if I live long enough, to stumble of an insightful line.
#
Thursday, November 20, 2008
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ON FREE SPEECH
********************************************
I believe in free speech for two important reasons:
(one) It is a fundamental human right, and
(two) Armenians don't believe in it, which is another thing they share in common with the Turks. With one difference however: the Turks have a law against “offending Turkishness” -- a misguided law, granted; even a foolish law, also granted. But a law nonetheless.
The same applies to commissars in the Soviet era: they did whatever they did in accordance with the laws of the land.
Unlike Turks and Soviets, we don't have a corresponding law that authorizes anyone, even the wisest among us, to violate anyone's fundamental human right of free speech. What we have are pseudo-patriotic neo-Stalinist self-appointed commissars who behave with the inflexible conviction that they know best what's good for the nation. It never even occurs to them that a great many of our defeats, catastrophes, and tragedies are a direct result of his misconception.
#
Friday, November 21, 2008
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ON SOLUTIONS
********************************************
If you think of solutions as verbal formulas, you will never find them.
*
THE LESSONS OF THE PAST
*************************************
Whenever I quote Naregatsi or Raffi, I am told I live in the past. Translation: history is bunk and literature a waste of time. And I think of Bazarov, the nihilist in Turgenev's FATHERS AND SONS. I also think of Tolstoy who at the end of his life gave up literature, hated Shakespeare, and became a born-again Christian atheist whose central idea was “the Kingdom of God is within you.” Unlike Bazarov, Tolstoy didn't kill himself but ran away from home and died at a train station in the middle of nowhere.
*
EXPLANATION (I)
********************************
If I am harsh with meddlers it's because I am not running for office and I don't mind if I lose to the opposition – as long as I am allowed to do my work without needless interruptions. I may be hungry but not to the point of starvation and willing to say “Yes, sir!” to anyone who dangles a carrot at me.
*
ANOTHER 11th COMMANDMENT
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Had Moses been an Armenian I suspect he would have come down with a commandment that says something to the effect that one should not confuse the dung heap in one's backyard with Mount Ararat.
*
EXPLANATION (II)
*******************************
Stupidity is infectious and wisdom is not transferable: that's the only way to explain mass movements, wars, and massacres.
#
Saturday, November 22, 2008
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DECLINE AND FALL
********************************************
For eight years I worked in a large financial institution. There was such an accumulation of petty little rules and regulations that there was only one old man in our department who remembered them all. Once when I dared to suggest that these rules could be easily simplified and streamlined I was treated as a blasphemer and even my co-workers turned against me. One way to explain the collapse of these institutions in America today is by saying that they concentrated so much on meaningless rules and regulations that they lost sight of the essential and collapsed beneath the weight of their own bureaucratic inflexibility.
*
It has been said that truth is found at the end of an obstacle course of errors. For those ready to admit error, the obstacle course is short; for the infallible, it is endless.
*
Give a good Armenian anonymity and a computer and watch him behave like a bad Turk.
*
“We are doing our best” is not the same as “We could do better.”
*
Never ask for solutions if your are in no position to introduce and implement new policies.
*
Tina Brown: “It's great when people trash you, it means you are interesting.”
#

Saturday, November 15, 2008

2 cents

Thursday, November 13, 2008
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JACK S. AVANAKIAN
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After the first profanity, I stop reading. If you have read one garbage-mouth anonymous Jack S. Avanakian, you have read them all. They might as well be xerox copies of one another.
*
Never call a self-assessed Armenian genius an inbred moron. If you do, he will be so blinded by hatred that in his efforts to prove you wrong, he will spend the rest of his life proving you right. That's because hatred makes a man stupid, and no one can be as stupid as a self-assessed genius.
*
I remember a friend telling me: “Do you know why there are no famous Armenian mountain climbers? Armenians are jumpers. They want to reach the top with a single jump.”
*
When a fanatic speaks of patriotism, he means love of country and contempt for countrymen who do not share his fanaticism. Give such an Armenian enough power and he will start by exterminating his fellow Armenians before he tackles the Turks.
*
Being Armenian looks easy only in Saroyan’s fiction. In reality it is such a demanding enterprise that most Armenians give up the effort and assimilate, and I for one do not blame them.
*
There is a type of Armenian who thinks just because he is an Armenian he is also an expert in Armenian affairs, which is like saying, just because an elephant is an elephant he is also an expert in zoology. Did I say elephant? Make it jackass.
#
Friday, November 14, 2008
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MY TWO CENTS
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The worst way of solving a problem is by silencing those who speak of it.
Likewise, the only way to be positive is by ignoring or covering up the negative.
If I am classified as negative it may be because the only way to be positive in our environment is by lying. And the beauty about political lies is that more often than not you don't even have to invent them, it will be done for you.
*
“The Russians are our Big Brothers.”
“Mer hairenik, azad angakh.”
“We are Armenians!”
I have always wondered what the hell that meant.
“We are all Armenians!”
Odian makes fun of that one in his COMRADE PANCHOONIE: “'We are all Armenians, we are brothers. Why can't we live together? Why must we fight?' That filthy bourgeois kept repeating, not being able to comprehend that conflict is the basic condition of life...'” thus Panchoonie in one of his regular reports to the Central Committee that invariably end with the immortal punch line: “Mi kich pogh oughargetsek,” which is now the favorite mantra of our dime-a-dozen fund raisers.
“Mart bidi ch'ellank!”
I see more truth in that punch line than in all the speeches and sermons delivered by our windbags.
*
When told to “give them hell,” an American presidential candidate (may have been Truman) is quoted as having said: “I don't do that. I tell them the truth and they think they are in hell.”
You may now draw your own conclusions.
#
Saturday, November 15, 2008
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ASSH***/s
********************************************
When Nixon called Trudeau “an assh***” Trudeau is said to have commented: “I have been called worse names by better people.” Meaning: If I can survive the verbal abuse of good men, why should I give a damn what riffraff think of me?
*
The eminent Canadian poet Irving Layton on his critics: “Just because they have an assh*** they think they are entitled to an opinion.” He delivered this line to an audience of librarians, schoolteachers, and students.
*
For a year I worked in a chain of department stores, first as a stockboy then as an assistant to a manager who expected me to adopt him as a role model. Once he bragged about being the youngest manager in the history of chain stores in Canada. Shortly thereafter Wal-Mart drove our chain stores out of business.
*
“You are a fool,” a gentle reader informs me. I suspect this reader will hang himself on the day he decides to read a wise writer. But if history teaches us anything it is that when a truly wise man appears, all the assh***s of the world conspire against him. Perhaps I owe my survival to my limitations.
*
There is a new book out titled DO ANTS HAVE ARSEHOLES? -- AND 101 OTHER BLOODY RIDICULOUS QUESTIONS. (The answer, by the way, is yes, they do.)
*
I for one do not underestimate the cunning of fools – after all, they run the world.
#

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

R/s

Sunday, November 9, 2008
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THE DARK SIDE
********************************************
All power structures, be they tribes, nations, empires, cultures, and civilizations, have a dark side, and I don't mean here only empires like the Roman, Mongol, Ottoman and Soviet empires, but also “free,” “democratic,” “civilized,” and “progressive” empires like the United States of America that saw nothing inconsistent in declaring “All men are created equal” and practicing slavery, discrimination, and even ethnic cleansing, in addition to legitimizing and supporting some of the most corrupt regimes of the 20th century.
What about our dark side? If we have one, who speaks of it?
To answer this question I once published a DICTIONARY OF ARMENIAN QUOTATIONS in which I selected passages from the works of prominent writers from the 5th century (our Golden Age) to the present, beginning with Khorenatsi and Yeghishé to Zarian and Zaroukian, all of whom have exposed our dark side, namely the corruption, incompetence, and divisiveness of our leadership and its dupes.
*
The other day when I quoted Raffi in an essay, I was told by a gentle reader that things have improved since then and Raffi's dissenting views don't apply because we no longer live in the 19th but in the 21st century. To this reader I suggest he read such 20th century representative writers as Issahakian, Zohrab, Shahnour, Massikian, Zarian and Zaroukian to see that there has been no progress in our institutional life and that things have been getting worse rather than better. And if we no longer have respected writers today willing to speak of our dark side it's because our bosses, bishops, benefactors and their hirelings have been more intolerant and ruthless in silencing anyone who refuses to recycle their benevolent and paternalistic propaganda line whose message is, we never had it so good because we are in the best of hands. As a result, we now have a generation of dupes so thoroughly brainwashed that they call anyone who refuses to live in their fool's paradise a liar, an idiot, and a dispenser of verbal crap.
*
This morning, on the radio, in an interview, Farley Mowat, a Canadian author of 87 books: “I was a victim of the propaganda of our time.”
#
Monday, November 10, 2008
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ANALYSIS
********************************************
Analysis: “Separation of a thing into the parts of which it is composed.”
Also a method of reasoning or treatment that may lead to an objective assessment or accurate diagnosis.
*
Siamanto: “Our perennial enemy – the enemy that will eventually destroy us – is not the Turk but our own complacent superficiality.”
“Complacent superficiality”: A diplomatic circumlocution for stupidity; a reluctance of going beyond appearances; a phobia of depth; also a fondness for easy answers flattering to the ego.
*
Why did Abovian commit suicide?
Why did Raffi say “Treason and betrayal are in our blood”?
Why did Gomidas take refuge in insanity?
What was it that prompted Zarian to say, “Armenians survive by cannibalizing one another”?
If you ask these questions to a boss, he will speak of our heroic past and love of freedom. What he will not do is quote the secret and unspoken motto of our revolutionaries: “When the going gets tough, the tough take flight.”
If you ask a bishop, he will quote a line from the Bible but never the right line, such as “A house divided against itself cannot stand,” or “Where there is no vision the people perish.” (Speaking of vision: We are the offspring of men who for 600 years kissed Turkish butt; and when it wasn't Turkish butt it was Russian butt. At the center of our vision there has always been a butt.)
If you ask a benefactor, the very best he can do is write you a check and suggest you see a shrink. His business is making money, not analyzing the collective unconscious of the nation; and money for him is the alpha and omega of all human wisdom.
*
Another question: why is it that our greatest literary masterpiece is the LAMENTATION by Naregatsi (our Dante and Shakespeare combined) which consists of an endless catalog of sins, vices, failings, and aberrations?
*
Nigoghos Sarafian: “Our history is a litany of lamentation, dread, and massacre. Also deception and abysmal naiveté mixed with the smoke of incense and the sound of sacred chants.”
*
Hagop Baronian: “Truth is a language that if not spoken is forgotten.”
*
For more quotations relevant to our malaise (another circumlocution for collective insanity) that our pundits and ghazetajis pretend not to know and our brainwashed dupes hate to know, see my DICTIONARY OF ARMENIAN QUOTATIONS.
#
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
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REFLECTIONS OF A GIAOUR
********************************************
We don't choose our parents, nationality, and religion. Most people born and raised in Muslim or Christian countries are Muslim and Christian respectively, and they all share the conviction that theirs is the only true religion and all others are heresies and their followers infidels destined to burn in hell for all eternity. Most Germans born and raised in Hitler's Germany were fascists, and most Soviets in the USSR of Stalin were communists. They were, in other words, very much like Muslims and Christians, cases of arrested development.
*
To those who verbally abuse me whenever they disagree with what I say, I ask: How old were you when you acquired the infallible views you hold today? And more often than not I don't even have to wait for an answer to add: “No further questions!”
*
Patriotism is a noble sentiment. If anything it should make a man a better person. That is why I don't believe a word of what a garbage-mouth dupe says when he speaks in the name of patriotism or he expects me to believe his brand of patriotism or belief system is a cut above mine, and he is therefore qualified to look down at me as an enemy of the people, a heretic, and an infidel whose fundamental human rights can be violated with a clear conscience.
#
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
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UNPLEASANT ENCOUNTERS
********************************************
Most Armenian disagreements boil down to one side insisting that his hearsay evidence is more admissible than your eyewitness account.
*
To acquaint yourself with the kind of hatred that leads one nation to exterminate another, follow an argument between two anonymous Armenians in a discussion forum.
*
A jackass is equipped to understand only the braying of another jackass. To paraphrase a popular Turkish saying: “What the hell does a jackass know about khoshaf (stewed raisins)?”
*
If your perception of reality is based on what our nationalist historians, bosses, and bishops say, in what way are you different from a Turk who has been exposed only to the propaganda line of his nationalist historians, mullahs, and Kemal?
*
If I sound stupid sometimes it's because I want to be accessible to my audience.
*
There is a type of “inknahaivan” dupe (self-satisfied jackass) who will believe anything that flatters his ego.
*
To those of my readers who would like to dance on my grave, I say, if you die before I do, I shall mourn the loss of a Muse.
*
A gentleman does not insult another anonymously. To paraphrase a sexist Turkish saying (with apolos to the ladies on this forum): “Among ten men nine are sure to be women.”
#

Saturday, November 8, 2008

lies

Thursday, November 6, 2008
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A SERIAL HUSBAND
********************************************
Best-selling-author Michael Crichton of JURASSIC PARK fame dead of cancer at age 66. “A devoted husband,” according to his widow; “married five times,” according to the obituary.
*
ON POWER
*********************
Power corrupted the Republicans under Bush not because the Republicans are more corruptible than the Democrats but because only saints are immune, and saints stay away from politics. Neither Thomas Mann nor Einstein were saints, but they were wise enough to say no when offered the position of head of state of East Germany and Israel respectively. As a “Mahatma” (great soul) Gandhi too rejected all positions of power in India. Obama may be America's answer to Gandhi and as such less corruptible than most politicians but the same will not be the case of everyone within his administration.
*
NOTA BENE
*************************
More often than not, it is in our efforts to appear smarter that we expose ourselves as fools.
#
Friday, November 7, 2008
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WHITE TRASH (I)
********************************************
Where fools outnumber the wise, charlatanism will be confused with charisma.
*
Speaking of Sarah Palin, a Canadian pundit said something to the effect that she looked like a semi-porno queen and was popular with the white trash. True or false? Who cares! “Se non vero, ben trovato.” Freely translated: “Even if not true, it's damn good.” Anyone who says to see Russia from one's porch is to know and understand them deserves it.
*
WHITE TRASH (II)
************************************
Because the first Armenian writer I translated into English was a Tashnak, I was identified as a member of the Party by the opposition. And when ten years later they realized they had been wrong, they offered to hire my services. They said they were willing to pay a goodly sum (I don't remember exactly how much – probably less than minimum wage) if I were to write biographical profiles of Ramgavar leaders. I informed them I was not qualified to do that because I didn't even know who they were. That's when I acquired the reputation of being an ingrate and an enemy of the people.
*
WHITE TRASH (III)
************************************
A friend in Toronto tells me he plans to attend a lecture on “Good Turks” by one of our prominent academics. Next I hope this academic will consider a lecture on “Bad Armenians.” You may not believe they exist, but take my word for it, they do. Like all nations, we too have our share of white trash who consider themselves la crème de la crème.
Speaking of good Turks: during the last few years I have made a few Turkish friends, which also means ten times as many Armenian enemies. I am not complaining. My worst enemies have also been my best sources of inspiration. If it weren't for them I would now be busy entertaining the bourgeoisie by writing love stories.
*
WHITE TRASH (IV)
********************************************
Raffi: “Our capitalists and merchants are the most corrupt and degenerate members of the community. Nothing good can come out of them. These people worship only money. They are men without a country. They belong to no nation on earth. Profit is their only homeland.”
*
Raffi: “We don't have an aristocracy. We have no elites and no leaders. What we have are merchants and clergymen. Merchants are trash. As for the clergy: they have always been against individual freedom.”
#
Saturday, November 8, 2008
****************************************
BIG LIES
********************************************
Insult an Armenian once and he will spend the rest of his life trying to get even. An eye for an eye is no longer good enough for him. He wants both eyes, ears, tongue, arms, legs, and a vital organ. An insulted Armenian ceases being an Armenian and becomes a Turkish viper.
*
Once in a while I am told I should not expose our failings in open forums. Why not? Our writers have been exposing our failings and contradictions intramurally with no effect. Shaming our dividers and gravediggers in the eyes of the world may be more effective.
*
A committed Armenian speaks in the name of a belief system and all belief systems create dupes as surely as chickens create eggs. With one difference. Eggs can be consumed.
*
The only time priests, rabbis, and mullahs speak the truth is when they call one another liars.
*
Organized religions are useful in so far as they stress the importance of morality in human affairs. But they also introduce prejudice which is the source of intolerance and countless crimes against humanity. Monopoly on truth is not just a lie but the Biggest Lie ever conceived by men.
#

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

the sev is in

Sunday, November 2, 2008
***********************************************
BAND OF ROBBERS
*****************************************
Saint Augustine: “What is the state without justice: A band of robbers.”
I should like to hear one of our dime-a-dozen pundits and patriots say as much. As a matter of fact, the other day I did hear one of our speechifiers speaking about “the Armenia of our dreams...the dreams of our fathers and grandfathers...the alienation of youth...poverty...” and more to the point “a great deal remains to be done...” But he never went as far saying the challenge we confront today is converting a band of robbers to a band of brothers.
*
“The Armenia of our dreams!” What about the reality of our diaspora? Let's dream about that for a moment, shall we? A diaspora that speaks with one voice and treats all Armenians as brothers. A diaspora whose leaders treat the human right of free speech not as a Utopian illusion but as a basic requirement for any progressive community. What could be more self-serving and misleading for a diasporan boss than to speak of divisiveness, corruption, and alienation as if these were problems that needed to be solved only in the Homeland?
What is a diaspora without mutual tolerance? What is a community that values entertainment, food, and sports above the exchange of ideas or the development of consensus?
*
Where there is no free speech, a braying jackass and a barking dog will enjoy more freedom of expression than an honest man. To those who say I have been silenced because I am wrong on all counts, I say, even a broken down clock shows the right time twice a day, and I ask: Who among us in infallible – our Turcocentric ghazetajis or the hirelings of our bosses, bishops, and benefactors who parrot their propaganda line?
*
What is the worth of a man who is afraid to say what must be said?
#
Monday, November 3, 2008
***********************************************
MEMOIRS
*****************************************
It took me many years to find a job that I truly enjoyed doing, and when I finally did, no one had any use for me.
*
A LOSE/LOSE PROPOSITION
************************************
If you are wrong they will disagree with you. If you are right, they will disagree with you even more.
*
COMPROMISE
**************************
Do we have a word for compromise? If we do, why is it that no one ever uses it – at least I for one have never heard anyone use it.
*
WHY WE ARE INTOLERANT OF CRITICISM
****************************************************
Because we believe one should not mess with perfection.
*
AN ARMENIAN STORY
*****************************
They asked the village idiot to translate the braying of an ass, and when he did, the villagers were divided between those who believed him and those who did not. There were no survivors.
#
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
***********************************************
CHOICES
***********************
We either speak the truth or we conspire with liars.
*
Very often in life what we don't know or what is hidden from view matters much more than what we know. To make visible that which is invisible, that's the function of literature. The rest is either propaganda or escapism.
*
What is the worth of a dupe's “I believe,” or a child's Santa?
*
We choose to see only facts that support our prejudices and fallacies. All other facts are either ignored or don't register on our consciousness.
*
We see the best in ourselves and project the worst on others after which we confuse projecting with exorcism.
#
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
****************************************
SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY
********************************************
We slept with the enemy for 600 years – 600 long years during which instead of making history we acquired bad habits, subservience being one of them. Subservience to top dogs even when they are s.o.b.s, and contempt for underdogs even when they are honest men. Subservience to bosses, bishops, and benefactors, contempt for scribblers. Subservience to lies and contempt for the truth.
*
In an environment where wealth is seen as a blessing, I brag about my poverty if only because, in the words of Socrates, “my poverty is proof of my honesty” -- which might as well be a declaration of war against all liars. I have never owned a car or even a bicycle. I walk. I walk in all kinds of weather. I walk for miles. I walk even in snowstorms, and as I walk, I think of Dostoevsky on his way to the House of the Dead in Siberia.
*
The sev is in and the esh is out! To racists around the world, a day that will live in infamy. To underdogs everywhere, a giant step for mankind.
#

Saturday, November 1, 2008

daffynitions

Thursday, October 30, 2008
***********************************************
DEFINITIONS
*****************************************
VODANAVORJI: A fabricator of verses inspired by the eternal snows of Mount Ararat and related atrocities.
*
ANTI-SEMITE: An Armenian who loves Jews but hates Zionists.
*
ANTI-AMERICANISM: A belief system that asserts the serpent in the Garden of Eden was a CIA agent.
*
ANTI-ARMENIANISM: A capital offense committed by someone who dares to question the statesmanship of our wheeler-dealers, mi-kich-pogh Panchoonies, and assorted riffraff.
*
ARMENIANISM: A vaguely defined discipline that allows a charlatan, bloodsucker, or parasite to assert his superior brand of patriotism and look down at anyone who does not live up to its low standards, and when I say low I mean lower than a snake's belly full of buckshot.
*
BLAME-GAME: A favorite pastime of academics who ascribe all our misfortunes, blunders, defeats, and tragedies to historic, social, environmental, and cultural factors beyond our control.
*
DISSENTER: A misguided fool, an unspeakable blasphemer, and a degenerate who believes we may have had something to do in shaping our character and destiny as a nation.
*
INTELLECTUAL: A species as extinct as the dodo bird.
*
PUNDIT: A retard with a negative IQ who is convinced he knows and understands everything there is to know and understand about our past, present, and future, but who is incapable of telling a hole in the ground from the perforation in his derrière.
*
SOVIETISM: A mindset that asserts Russians to be our “Big Brothers.”
*
ANTI-SOVIETISM: A mindset that asserts Russians to be our “Big Brothers” but only in the Orwellian sense of these words.
*
TURCOCENTRISM: An Orthodoxy based on the assumption that we are dependent on the goodwill, fair-play, justice, and charity of Ankara.
*
OTTOMANISM: A psychological complex or a mechanism that results in the production of oreos – that is, Armenians who are Armenian on the outside and Turk on the inside. Something similar could be said of Bolshevism or Stalinism. It is no exaggeration to say that Armenians of the Diaspora are at the mercy of Ottomanized thugs as surely as Armenians of Armenia are victimized by Stalinized scumbags.
#

Friday, October 31, 2008
***********************************************
SUPERSTITIONS
*****************************************
Elsa Morante: “Women's love brings bad luck.”
That may be because everything that's good in step one may be bad in step two. Yin and yang. “No banquet under heaven is endless,” according to an old Chinese saying.
*
Like Armenians, both men and women like to blame their troubles on the opposition, never on their own stupidity.
*
The most famous war in in the history of mankind recounted by the greatest poet in world literature is about the abduction of a floozy. But I suspect if the same story were told by a woman, the stress would be on man's stupidity. For all we know Paris may have been a serial rapist and Helen a respectable housewife.
*
Speaking of war and stupidity: there are organized religions today that are against capital punishment but for war. Figure that one out if you can.
*
Speaking of floozies and man's stupidity: It is said of Antranik Zaroukian that on his return from Paris, where he was sent as a delegate by the ARF, he presented an expense account which included a line that said: “For necessary bodily functions.” When asked to explain, Zaroukian is said to have replied: “Visits to the bordello.” Somehow I find it difficult to imagine a woman delegate in the same position saying, “For services rendered by a gigolo.”
#

Saturday,November 1, 2008
***********************************************
AS I SEE IT
*****************************************
Don Marquis: “If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you. But if you really make them think, they'll hate you.”
*
Even if you are as wise as Socrates and as pure in heart as Mahatma Gandhi you will have enemies who will hate you unto death. And even if you are as evil as Stalin and as fanatical and single-minded as Hitler you will have followers willing to die for you.
*
I for one refuse to ascribe beastly conduct to human nature. Neither will I subscribe to the notion favored by philomorons that philosophy is a waste of time. Because if it weren't for philosophers we would be at the mercy of fools and fanatics and life would be hell on earth.
*
A good autobiography is everyone's biography.
*
The greatest concern of a man in power is losing it.
*
The shy in life will be daring in imagination.
*
To read words and sentences – nothing easier. To read ideas – that's different.
#

daffynitions

Thursday, October 30, 2008
***********************************************
DEFINITIONS
*****************************************
VODANAVORJI: A fabricator of verses inspired by the eternal snows of Mount Ararat and related atrocities.
*
ANTI-SEMITE: An Armenian who loves Jews but hates Zionists.
*
ANTI-AMERICANISM: A belief system that asserts the serpent in the Garden of Eden was a CIA agent.
*
ANTI-ARMENIANISM: A capital offense committed by someone who dares to question the statesmanship of our wheeler-dealers, mi-kich-pogh Panchoonies, and assorted riffraff.
*
ARMENIANISM: A vaguely defined discipline that allows a charlatan, bloodsucker, or parasite to assert his superior brand of patriotism and look down at anyone who does not live up to its low standards, and when I say low I mean lower than a snake's belly full of buckshot.
*
BLAME-GAME: A favorite pastime of academics who ascribe all our misfortunes, blunders, defeats, and tragedies to historic, social, environmental, and cultural factors beyond our control.
*
DISSENTER: A misguided fool, an unspeakable blasphemer, and a degenerate who believes we may have had something to do in shaping our character and destiny as a nation.
*
INTELLECTUAL: A species as extinct as the dodo bird.
*
PUNDIT: A retard with a negative IQ who is convinced he knows and understands everything there is to know and understand about our past, present, and future, but who is incapable of telling a hole in the ground from the perforation in his derrière.
*
SOVIETISM: A mindset that asserts Russians to be our “Big Brothers.”
*
ANTI-SOVIETISM: A mindset that asserts Russians to be our “Big Brothers” but only in the Orwellian sense of these words.
*
TURCOCENTRISM: An Orthodoxy based on the assumption that we are dependent on the goodwill, fair-play, justice, and charity of Ankara.
*
OTTOMANISM: A psychological complex or a mechanism that results in the production of oreos – that is, Armenians who are Armenian on the outside and Turk on the inside. Something similar could be said of Bolshevism or Stalinism. It is no exaggeration to say that Armenians of the Diaspora are at the mercy of Ottomanized thugs as surely as Armenians of Armenia are victimized by Stalinized scumbags.
#

Friday, October 31, 2008
***********************************************
SUPERSTITIONS
*****************************************
Elsa Morante: “Women's love brings bad luck.”
That may be because everything that's good in step one may be bad in step two. Yin and yang. “No banquet under heaven is endless,” according to an old Chinese saying.
*
Like Armenians, both men and women like to blame their troubles on the opposition, never on their own stupidity.
*
The most famous war in in the history of mankind recounted by the greatest poet in world literature is about the abduction of a floozy. But I suspect if the same story were told by a woman, the stress would be on man's stupidity. For all we know Paris may have been a serial rapist and Helen a respectable housewife.
*
Speaking of war and stupidity: there are organized religions today that are against capital punishment but for war. Figure that one out if you can.
*
Speaking of floozies and man's stupidity: It is said of Antranik Zaroukian that on his return from Paris, where he was sent as a delegate by the ARF, he presented an expense account which included a line that said: “For necessary bodily functions.” When asked to explain, Zaroukian is said to have replied: “Visits to the bordello.” Somehow I find it difficult to imagine a woman delegate in the same position saying, “For services rendered by a gigolo.”
#

Saturday,November 1, 2008
***********************************************
AS I SEE IT
*****************************************
Don Marquis: “If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you. But if you really make them think, they'll hate you.”
*
Even if you are as wise as Socrates and as pure in heart as Mahatma Gandhi you will have enemies who will hate you unto death. And even if you are as evil as Stalin and as fanatical and single-minded as Hitler you will have followers willing to die for you.
*
I for one refuse to ascribe beastly conduct to human nature. Neither will I subscribe to the notion favored by philomorons that philosophy is a waste of time. Because if it weren't for philosophers we would be at the mercy of fools and fanatics and life would be hell on earth.
*
A good autobiography is everyone's biography.
*
The greatest concern of a man in power is losing it.
*
The shy in life will be daring in imagination.
*
To read words and sentences – nothing easier. To read ideas – that's different.
#