bias

Thursday, August 6, 2009
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ON BIAS
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Two headlines grab my attention today:
“Overreactions are a sign of insecurity,” and
“Politicians should be held to a higher standard.”
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We are not who we think we are.
Our enemies are not who we think they are.
Neither are we who they think we are.
And what we think is not what we really think
but what we were brought up to think.
What is history if not a tragedy of errors?
Now then, go ahead and make dogmatic assertions.
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America has two faces: America the Beautiful and America the Ugly.
God Save America and God damn America.
Sarah Palin and Reverend Jeremiah Wright.
This could be said of all nations, including our own.
How to explain the smart, tough, savvy Armenian
who turns into a sanctimonious prick when he speaks of his homeland?
The answer must be, textbooks.
Textbooks by nationalist historians in whose carefully edited words
colonizers and imperialists are represented as benefactors
whose central concern is civilizing (or is it syphilizing?) barbarians;
aggressive wars are called defensive wars;
terrorists are identified as freedom fighters;
and the massacre of defenseless women and children as enemy propaganda.
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How to explain revolutions, civil wars, and internecine conflicts?
That's a tricky one, but it can be done.
One way to do is to see them
as necessary and inevitable stages towards progress.
If Hitler had won World II,
the Holocaust would have been described as an act of sanitation.
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Children will believe anything, including Santa Claus, the Tooth Faerie,
and a shower of golden apples after each tale.
What happens when children grow up?
Some never do -- if by growing up means giving up illusions.
Speaking for myself, I loathe lies, liars, and propagandists.
They are at the root of all intolerance, wars, and massacres.
Self deception is not a blessing but a curse.
Only after propaganda is seen as a crime against humanity
may we have honest historians who will call a spade a spade.
If this be an illusion, I like to believe it is a harmless one
because its aim is to replace hatred with understanding
and war with peaceful coexistence.
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Friday, August 7, 2009
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THEREBY HANGS A TALE
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To those of my readers who mistake me for someone who is plotting the destruction of the Republic, I say: Relax, our beloved homeland is in the best of hands because for everyone who says what I say, there are at least a hundred, not counting speechifiers, sermonizers, and dime-a-dozen pundits, who say the exact opposite, for which reason they are compensated handsomely. Besides, my word carries as much weight as an ant's fart. And speaking of farts...
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It is said of an old lady in the Soviet era who had the habit of farting in public and declaring to all and sundry: “They can shut my mouth, but they can't shut my arse.” And now – you guessed – a story about a wealthy Armenian merchant who is said to have hired the services of a notorious Kurdish bandit to take care (as we say in the underworld) of Raffi.
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A minor digression here: If you think I am tough on Armenians, you should read Raffi. Compared to him, I don't even rate as a pussycat. Raffi was a tough hombre who wouldn't take no sh*t from nobody, including bosses, bishops, and wealthy Armenian merchants whom he called “the worse scum on earth. (“Profit,” he said, “is their only homeland.”) If there are wealthy merchants among my readers, may I add: “Present company suspected.”
End of digression.
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Well, naturally, one of these merchants, not being the kind that turns the other cheek, and wanting to get even with Raffi, he delegated the job to a Kurd with an impeccable reputation as a daring and fearless bandit, promising him an undisclosed amount of money.
But as the Kurd went about his business of casing the joint – namely, Raffi's domicile – he discovered to his astonishment that far from being a malefactor, his target was a totally harmless scribbler who spent most of his days and nights working at his desk. Being an honorable hitman, he therefore informed the merchant he was not up to handling the job because he did not relish the idea of adding the murder of an innocent and defenseless civilian to his résumé, or words to that effect; and advised the merchant to shove his money where the sun don't shine – if you know what I am saying.
Moral: You may rely on the honor of a Kurdish thief but, brother, after you shake hands with a benefactor, count your fingers.
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A footnote on my sources.
As you may have guessed by now, I did not read this anecdote in Oshagan, Tololian, and Janashian (three of our most learned literary historians of the last century) but in a biographical study sent to me by one of Raffi's descendants (may she rest in peace) who asked me to read and return it. Which I did. As a result, I am sorry to inform you, I am in no position to give you chapter and verse. Feel free therefore to dismiss it as anti-Armenian propaganda.
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Saturday, August 8, 2009
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HASGANOUM ES?
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To say we have problems but no solutions is a big lie.
Our only problem is big lies and their dupes.
Expose them and that will be the end of our problems.
Our liars know this better than anyone else.
As for our dupes: they are what they are
because they prefer pleasant lies to painful truths.
And the most painful truth of all
is their identity as damn fools.
We have failed to solve our problems
because our dupes think of themselves as smart
and our liars have done their utmost
to brainwash them to believe that.
How do you convince a fool that he is a fool?
It can't be done!
How do you convince liars they are liars?
No need. They already know.
How do you break up the bond
that exists between liars and dupes?
Impossible! It is like the marriage
of the mythical irresistible force
with the immovable object.
There is no power in heaven and on earth
that can budge them.
That is the only way to explain
the millennial existence of organized religions,
all of which assert a monopoly on truth
even as they go about contradicting one another.
When liars and dupes conspire,
honest men have as much chance
as a drop of rain in the Sahara at high noon.
That's the only way to explain why
all honest men -- from Socrates and Jesus Christ
to Gandhi and Solzhenitsyn -- have been silenced,
exiled, persecuted, jailed, and crucified.
Hasganoum es?
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