different

Thursday, July 16, 2009
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AND NOW FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT
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Shortly after Henry Fonda asked for a divorce from his wife, she killed herself by slitting her throat with a razor – not my favorite method of vacating the premises.
He once explained his multiple marriages by saying: “If I made penetration, a proposal was the next step.”
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Joan Crawford on Otto Preminger: “Otto is a dear man, sort of a Jewish Nazi, but I love him.”
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Lee Marvin to Marlon Brando: “I'm thinking of changing my name. To Marlow Brandy.”
Brando: “I think I'll change my name, too. To Lee Moron.”
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A critic to Charlie Chaplin: “You never have any interesting camera angles.”
Chaplin: “I don't need interesting camera angles – I am interesting.”
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Ernest Borgnine begins his autobiography by quoting a chestnut vendor's sign that said: “I don't want to set the world on fire, I just want to keep my nuts warm.” He adopted that as his “philosophy,” he writes.
In his old age he once sat on the knees of a Wal-Mart Santa Claus and said: “I would like a blonde,” and the Santa replied: “So would I.”
Unlike his movie image, Borgnine comes across as a harmless and lovable fellow. He has something nice to say about everybody, except Shelley Winters, which is understandable.
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Orson Welles on Anthony Asquith: “My God, he was polite. I saw him, all alone on the stage once, trip over an electric cable, turn around, and say 'I beg your pardon' to it.”
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Friday, July 17, 2009
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THE TROUBLE WITH HONESTY
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The trouble with being honest is that you will never know how many people will get hurt. But that's all right as long as you are one of them.
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It happens to me more or less regularly: I try to solve a problem but I am not sure if I can. I go ahead anyway on the grounds that doing something is better than doing nothing, and trying is better than giving up – and by the time I am through, I have created more problems for myself.
Moral: The most important thing to know about digging a hole is to know when to stop.
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A Turkish friend once said to me: “Why is it that you and I agree on everything except the Genocide?” The only answer I could come up with was: “Probably because we have been brainwashed by two different sets of propagandists.”
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Speaking of disagreements: Have you ever noticed that whenever you successfully demolish a bureaucrat's arguments, he says, “Let me check with my supervisor.” And when he comes back, he does so with a decision that is invariably against you.
I have lost more arguments against invisible and non-existent supervisors than anyone else.
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German saying: “A dog knows his master, but not his master's master.”
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Nothing comes more naturally to victims of a great injustice than to inflict minor injustices on their friends.
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One of the most incomprehensible things about human beings is their willingness to subject themselves to the verbiage of speechifiers and sermonizers.
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Saturday, July 18, 2009
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THERE IS NO BUSINESS LIKE...
WRITING FOR ARMENIANS
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Do you really know how I feel when I write?
I feel like a nun promoting virginity
to an audience of bordello madams and pimps.
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In their efforts to make me see the light,
my critics succeed only in reinforcing my convictions.
I probably have a similar effect on them.
But then, my aim is not to change anyone's mind
-- I am not a miracle worker –
but to let our Jack S. Avanakians know that
they can't fool all the people all the time.
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I know they read me because they correct me.
As for those who insult me,
I don't take them seriously.
Anyone who takes a dislike at me
will insult me without reading me,
and even when he reads me,
he will make no effort to understand what he reads.
On the contrary: he will go out of his way to misunderstand me.
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Do you know why I never run out of things to say?
Because I use my enemies as my muses.
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