daffynitions

Thursday, October 30, 2008
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DEFINITIONS
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VODANAVORJI: A fabricator of verses inspired by the eternal snows of Mount Ararat and related atrocities.
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ANTI-SEMITE: An Armenian who loves Jews but hates Zionists.
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ANTI-AMERICANISM: A belief system that asserts the serpent in the Garden of Eden was a CIA agent.
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ANTI-ARMENIANISM: A capital offense committed by someone who dares to question the statesmanship of our wheeler-dealers, mi-kich-pogh Panchoonies, and assorted riffraff.
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ARMENIANISM: A vaguely defined discipline that allows a charlatan, bloodsucker, or parasite to assert his superior brand of patriotism and look down at anyone who does not live up to its low standards, and when I say low I mean lower than a snake's belly full of buckshot.
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BLAME-GAME: A favorite pastime of academics who ascribe all our misfortunes, blunders, defeats, and tragedies to historic, social, environmental, and cultural factors beyond our control.
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DISSENTER: A misguided fool, an unspeakable blasphemer, and a degenerate who believes we may have had something to do in shaping our character and destiny as a nation.
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INTELLECTUAL: A species as extinct as the dodo bird.
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PUNDIT: A retard with a negative IQ who is convinced he knows and understands everything there is to know and understand about our past, present, and future, but who is incapable of telling a hole in the ground from the perforation in his derrière.
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SOVIETISM: A mindset that asserts Russians to be our “Big Brothers.”
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ANTI-SOVIETISM: A mindset that asserts Russians to be our “Big Brothers” but only in the Orwellian sense of these words.
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TURCOCENTRISM: An Orthodoxy based on the assumption that we are dependent on the goodwill, fair-play, justice, and charity of Ankara.
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OTTOMANISM: A psychological complex or a mechanism that results in the production of oreos – that is, Armenians who are Armenian on the outside and Turk on the inside. Something similar could be said of Bolshevism or Stalinism. It is no exaggeration to say that Armenians of the Diaspora are at the mercy of Ottomanized thugs as surely as Armenians of Armenia are victimized by Stalinized scumbags.
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Friday, October 31, 2008
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SUPERSTITIONS
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Elsa Morante: “Women's love brings bad luck.”
That may be because everything that's good in step one may be bad in step two. Yin and yang. “No banquet under heaven is endless,” according to an old Chinese saying.
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Like Armenians, both men and women like to blame their troubles on the opposition, never on their own stupidity.
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The most famous war in in the history of mankind recounted by the greatest poet in world literature is about the abduction of a floozy. But I suspect if the same story were told by a woman, the stress would be on man's stupidity. For all we know Paris may have been a serial rapist and Helen a respectable housewife.
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Speaking of war and stupidity: there are organized religions today that are against capital punishment but for war. Figure that one out if you can.
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Speaking of floozies and man's stupidity: It is said of Antranik Zaroukian that on his return from Paris, where he was sent as a delegate by the ARF, he presented an expense account which included a line that said: “For necessary bodily functions.” When asked to explain, Zaroukian is said to have replied: “Visits to the bordello.” Somehow I find it difficult to imagine a woman delegate in the same position saying, “For services rendered by a gigolo.”
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Saturday,November 1, 2008
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AS I SEE IT
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Don Marquis: “If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you. But if you really make them think, they'll hate you.”
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Even if you are as wise as Socrates and as pure in heart as Mahatma Gandhi you will have enemies who will hate you unto death. And even if you are as evil as Stalin and as fanatical and single-minded as Hitler you will have followers willing to die for you.
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I for one refuse to ascribe beastly conduct to human nature. Neither will I subscribe to the notion favored by philomorons that philosophy is a waste of time. Because if it weren't for philosophers we would be at the mercy of fools and fanatics and life would be hell on earth.
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A good autobiography is everyone's biography.
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The greatest concern of a man in power is losing it.
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The shy in life will be daring in imagination.
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To read words and sentences – nothing easier. To read ideas – that's different.
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