My childhood ambition was to excel in a specific field so that I would enjoy the respect of my fellow men, make a living, and provide for my family. It was my misfortune to choose literature, and Armenian literature at that – a field in which the better you get the more you are abused. But by the time I discovered that however, it was too late, I had reached a point of no return. I now do my utmost to earn as much contempt as I can, and I am glad to report I am doing just fine, even if the better I get, the worst my prospects get.

Thursday, May 09, 2013 *************************************** MEMO TO MY CRITICS *************************** If what you say is right, obviously I can’t be worth reading and you would be more justified in criticizing yourself for wasting your valuable time on me. * You want to know the difference between an honest and a dishonest writer? Easy! A dishonest writer flatters. An honest one is a thorn in the flesh. * Of how many potential dissidents we could say because they were bullied by idiots, they fell silent. * I understand my critics. Thirty ears ago I was one of them. * National historians: the intellectual equivalents of empty suits. * What makes our ruling classes so arrogantly and ruthlessly stupid? The answer must be: experience, reality, history, or the fact that they have been fooling us for centuries and no one ever said off with their heads. # THE WRITING LIFE ****************************** Literature: I leave that to our creative writers, scholars, and academics. * Love stories: I stopped writing them on the day I realized their true aim is to entertain the bourgeoisie. I now write to expose deceivers. * When in a letter to the editor many years ago a reader said he felt terrorized by my words, I was flattered rather than offended. * We are tired of being sheep in a world of wolves. That’s why an Armenian is another Armenian’s wolf. He has to start somewhere. * In the words of an American comedian: “I take my lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.” * If you are not thirsty it makes no difference if the glass is half-empty or half-full. * Silence has no need for translators. # MEMOS TO MY TURKISH READERS *************************************** Do you want to understand Armenians? Think of them as a people that for 600 years had Turks as their role models. * There are no Armenians and there are no Turks: only people who speak Armenian and Turkish. * MEMOS TO MY FELLOW ARMENIANS ******************************************* To confuse patriotism with loyalty or subservience to liars and crooks: I can’t imagine anything more cowardly and idiotic. * Divisions are popular with us because we are not popular with one another. * We are not a work in progress; we are a dead end. * A common Armenian allergy: other Armenians. * Hatred of Turks is our opium. * A nation that hates together stays together. #

Wednesday, May 08, 2013 ******************************* READING ******************** There is a new book out on bankers and politicians titled ASSHOLES: A THEORY. If it is as good as its title will be a best-seller. * After having sex with his wife, Tolstoy wrote in his diary: “It was so disgusting; I felt I had committed a crime.” * Gorky on Tolstoy and God: “They sometimes remind me of two bears in a den.” Thomas Mann is right: Gorky’s REMINISCENCES OF TOLSTOY is the best thing he ever wrote. * Chekhov and Zarian agreed on one thing about writing: Leave something to the imagination. No need to explain and describe everything. Delete the first and last paragraphs. * In Saul Steinberg’s biography. I note so many parallels: childhood in the Balkans (Romania for him, Greece for me) education in Italy (Milan/Venice), life in the New World (U.S./Canada), favorite contemporary writers (Nabokov, Bellow). * Elia Kazan believed his “method” created Brando. In his DIARY Richard Burton asserts Brando was ruined by Kazan. At one point he identifies him as the British Brando. Burton hated acting. His ambition was to be a writer. To the end he remained a voracious reader. # ON PATRIOTISM (VII) ********************************* To say or imply or suggest that Armenian patriotism is better than Turkish, American or any other kind of patriotism is like saying cancer in one nation is better cancer in another. * I would like to meet an Armenian whose speech is not contaminated by patriotism, whose understanding of our past has not been shaped by our own historians, and whose values are not tribal or parochial but universal. * Patriotism may be defined as collective narcissism. But whereas individual narcissism is treated as a psychological aberration, collective narcissism is thought of as a sacred civic duty. And why? Because the ruling classes everywhere need individuals willing to kill and die in defense of their powers and privileges. * To say we live in a world where wars are inevitable amounts to saying all human disagreements and conflicts must end with murder or suicide. * If most individual conflicts are resolved without the death of either or both parties, why not collective conflicts? # READING RICHARD BURTON’S DIARY ************************************** On Reagan: “--dangerously stupid.” * On Nixon: “I dislike drunkards and he was drunk as the devil the last time I saw him.” * On film directors: “I don’t remember anything they said except idiocies which I ignored.” * On Laurence Olivier: “…he really is a shallow little man with a very mediocre intelligence.” * On Mussolini: “Fundamentally he was a weak but decent man.” * He rates Spengler above Toynbee because he hates the English – totally unaware of the fact that Toynbee hated the English more than he did. # THE UNBEARABLE WEIGHT OF REALITY ******************************************** It is not history or social, economic, cultural and geographic conditions beyond our control that have divided us and keep us divided today; rather, it is the gradual and cold-blooded development of a system – a system of cunningly formulated prejudices, dogmas, and lies – that favors the dividers among us and penalizes the proponents of solidarity and unity. In short: our problems are ours; they are not enemy action, and if they are, the enemy is within. * Speaking the truth is easy; what’s hard is to make it palatable, comprehensible, and bearable. * Perennial victims are not and cannot be morally superior. * I agree with those who assert we are the real Chosen People – chosen to be the targets of bloodthirsty barbarians, both foreign and domestic. #

Thursday, May 02, 2013 ********************************* AS I SEE IT (XXXIII) ***************************** Things are looking up. At this rate our dissidents will outnumber our dupes. * Has any one of our vodanavorjis ever written a sonnet titled “Yes im anoush commissarneri”? * Some of our Diasporan leaders are Turks who speak Armenian fluently, I was informed once by one of our elder statesmen. What about our oligarchs in the Homeland? Are they human beings? * The secret ambition of all ass-kissers is to be ass-kickers. * To cover up blunders is to promote and legitimize future disasters. The blame-game is a dead end and our role models are the scum of the earth. # PERVERSIONS **************************** Some people agree with one another because they place the strength of unity and consensus above the weakness of discord. We are different. First and foremost we are men of principle and the principle we believe in and practice more than any other is self-destruction. * If you are judged by your inferiors you will be found guilty on grounds of superiority. * The greater the incompetence of a regime, the greater the number of its victims. # ZERO ******************** The greater the distance between what you think of yourself and what others think of you, the greater the number of conflicts between you and the world. * Paraphrasing Gandhi, if you reduce yourself to zero your conflicts will be zero. * If you think of yourself as the center of the universe, you will be wrong even when you are right. * If you think God is on your side, both God and the Devil will conspire against you. * And if you think you belong to a nation that is God’s chosen, you will be torn to shreds by the scum of the earth. This is neither theory nor speculation, neither prediction nor metaphysics, but historic reality. #

Sunday, April 28, 2013 ****************************************** KING AND COUNTRY ********************************** Have you ever wondered how many men who killed and died in the name of King and Country ever stopped to ask: Whose King and whose Country? Or for that matter, whose Sultan and whose Commissar? * The Brits who fought against German in World War II had a German king. Napoleon was Italian, Hitler Austrian, Stalin Georgian, the Greek king too was a German; most Byzantine emperors – the most warlike and bloodthirsty – were either Armenian of half-Armenian; the Ottoman sultans were bastards – the last one’s mother was an Armenian. * Royalty, like so much else, is a big joke played by the ruling classes on the ignorant masses. As for Country: at one time or another, every piece of real estate, except the Garden of Eden, has been contested. * What a book one could write on the role of lies, illusions, and wishful thinking in human affairs! * By the way, most Armenian kings, including the last one, were odars. As for our present leadership: one of our elder statesmen once confided in me that some of them are Turks who speak Armenian fluently. I didn’t believe him then but I do now. # ON CONSENSUS *************************** When I first read the words “consensus seeker” I thought if I were a millionaire the first thing I would do is establish a university course on the subject. If we don’t have such a course today it may be because we are natural-born sh*t-disturbers who thrive on conflict. * Think of society and its laws as a conspiracy whose aim is to produce criminals. * You may have noticed that Armenians who demand solutions don’t like to think of themselves as the problem. * Honest Christians exist as surely as honest Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists and atheists but they are not allowed to formulate and implement policy. # KING AND COUNTRY (ii) **************************************** It could be said of our leadership: the higher they rise, the lower they sink – which is what happens in all criminal organization. * If I were to produce an autobiography I would begin by warning the reader that my life is so unreadable that I would have to either invent it or write the opposite of what really happened. The same applies to an objective account of our past. * Power and lies are Siamese. The greater the power, the bigger the lies. * To legitimize their power, popes assert infallibility notwithstanding their countless blunders – from the Crusades to the persecution, torture and death of heretics. * Kings, we were told, got their power from God via the Church. It is safe to assume that men who speak in the name of god are compulsive and habitual liars. * I repeat myself? So do you whenever you say “Yes, sir!” # THAT WHICH WE SHARE WITH YANKS *********************************** Americans have trouble understanding why someone who has enjoyed all the benefits and privileges of being a citizen of the greatest democracy in the history of mankind would freely choose to be a terrorist. They cannot imagine themselves to be so repulsive that in the environment they have created to kill and die become more desirable than to live and prosper. * As for Armenians: our arrogance and stupidity are such that we cannot imagine ourselves to be targets of criticism by fellow Armenians. * After Kazantzakis died and was buried in Crete, the natives would shit on his grave. My advice to our dissidents: stipulate in your will to be buried in a grave without a headstone. * When sheep get organized they choose a wolf as their leader. * Dissidents are neither harlots nor pimps but brothers and sisters who hear a different drummer. Now then, go ahead and explain that to our bosses, bishops, benefactors, and commissars. #

Thursday, April 25, 2013 ************************************* VARIATIONS ON A FAMILIAR THEME ************************************************ After behaving like swine they assert moral superiority. This is as true of nations and tribes as it is of empires; as true of the Ottoman Empire as it is of our own political parties and mafias. * When a fanatic says “God is on my side,” you can be sure of one thing: he can’t tell the difference between God and the Devil. * All belief systems are perversions. * Not to expose lies means being subservient to liars. # ONLY IN AMERICA **************************** In America if you fail as a writer you can make a comfortable living as a teacher of creative writing. * I don’t know what they do in Armenia but in the Diaspora you make yourself as invisible as possible – not to be the bud of jokes as a vodanavorji or a medavoragan (freely translated as versifier and assh*le). * ONLY IN ARMENIA ************************ Where idiots are in charge, the smart will be persecuted. * Ours is a nation whose lunatic fringe is the dominant minority. * Literature is to the mind as water is to the thirsty and bread to the hungry. But some people experience neither thirst nor hunger because they are walking cadavers. * Politicians create enemies to cover up the fact that they are the real enemies. # ON EVIL & RELATED ATROCITIES ******************* The only way to understand evil is to recognize it within us. Which is why the judgment of the self-righteous cannot be trusted – and who could be more self-righteous than bishops, imams, and rabbis who speak in the name of god? * One man’s god may be another’s devil. * To be diplomatic, tolerant, and civilized means to say the opposite of what you think and feel. * After I make an assertion I am haunted by its contradiction. * To be a writer means to be a re-writer. #

Wednesday, April 24, 2013 ************************************ AGENDA ****************** William H. Gass: “I write because I hate.” * I should have said that. My style. I hate lies and atrocities regardless of race, color, and creed; and I hate those who don’t share my hatred if them. * My aim in life? Not to add a single regret to my long list of them. # Wednesday, April 24, 2013 ***************************** ON TURKS ************************* Turks are brought up to believe they belong to a civilized, progressive and westernized nation. If you mention the Armenian genocide, they will say it’s a lie, it never happened, and Turks did what every other nation would have done when its existence is in peril. * ON ARMENIANS ************************** Armenians are brought up to believe they are too smart, experienced, and progressive to need the empty verbiage of a minor scribbler. * ON ARMENIAN LITERATURE ************************************* “Armenian literature is a cemetery,” said Baruir Massikian. The best career move an Armenian writer can make is to allow himself to be slaughtered by a bloodthirsty foreign tyrant. * ON NARGETASI ***************************** Naregatsi, our Shakespeare and Dante combined, is like Mark Twain’s weather: everybody speaks of him but nobody reads him. I don’t mind admitting that the only time I read him was when I was asked to review Kudian’s translation. Did anyone else review it? I don’t know. I don’t remember. I doubt it. # AGENDA II ********************************** Overheard on the radio this morning: “As an African writer do you think of yourself as a bridge between Africa and the West?” Answer: “When I write I don’t think of myself as a bridge. All I am interested in is producing a good sentence.” * Q: As an Armenian writer – A: Please, don’t call me that. I can’t imagine a worst insult than being called an Armenian writer. Q: What should I call you? A: Anything but that? Call me someone who likes to raise questions in an environment where there is an abundance of wrong answers. Q: Could you give an example of a good sentence in our context? A: How about, “Our political parties have been of no political use to us. Their greatest enemy is free speech.” Q: Who said that? A: Zarian. Q: Another example? A: “An Armenian’s tongue can be sharper than a Turk’s yataghan.” Q: Zarian? A: Right. Q: How about something of your own? A: Our collective failings far outnumber our individual successes. # TRAGEDY #2 ************************************ Committing blunders is easy; admitting them difficult. * Dividing the community is easy; admitting to being a divider impossible. * One reason Obama will not recognize the Genocide is that his advisers have informed him that as a tribal people we divide our votes 50/50 – half Democrat, half Republican. As a result our influence on the outcome of elections is zero, nada, zilch, vochinch. We might as well be an absent factor. * Our dividers – be they pundits, partisans, Turcocentric ghazetajis, editors, publishers, bosses, bishops, and benefactors, are fully aware of this fact but pretend not to notice the mammoth in the room. * We were slaughtered as a nation but we vote as a tribe. That indeed is our second greatest tragedy. #